Break the Black Ice (book three)

Where the Silence Starts to Thicken

(poetry of solitude)

c. 1998

This was the third and final book in the "Break the Black Ice" series. 
The style of writing in this one really became the style I was most comfortable in, and I look upon it as a success. It's still a painful book for me to read, but I appreciate how deeply and passionately I felt, and how I struggled to make sense of it all.

Here are a few of my favorites:

to keep those dreams
from falling.
to keep those eyes
on the same sad memory
time and time again,
as if remembering
would make it
all right, would
bring back the one
this heart died for.

If My Eyes Are Blue Or Dead

It's a long rain,
one that you sit
down and bask in,
watch the baby smile,
waiting for the first tooth.
I planted the flowers
you told me to,
a slight frown as
I watch them drown,
but it was worthwhile.
It's a long rain,
and as I look
up to God, I see
him put a hand to
his forehead, watch
him rub at his temples,
slump in his chair,
and shake his head sadly.
The water covers my
face and I weep with it.
A look at my house,
a look at my life,
a look at the cat
that sits at my feet,
unaware.
I reach down and pet
her, she purrs, does not
move to look.
I think of you.
I wipe my eyes.
I look out at what
could have been ours:
the big tree that
soaks up God's tears,
the empty house that
waits for a family,
those flowers, how they
gasp for air.
It's a long rain,
40 days and 40 nights,
drowning alone.